little starr

though the door was closed i heard you call
a possiblity where there had been none 
so i allowed my heart to open once again
received the new possibility of life

i am blessed, born to bear
made to create new minds to taste culture,
new hearts to pump Boricua blood,
new lungs to breathe in experience and exhale greatness

for the first time it rose up in me
the longing for blushing cheeks,
big round eyes beneath palm frond lashes
thick and dark like his, 
his molten brown eyes, begged a daughter
though i was past ever imagining there would be a you
the possibility poured in the night we felt 
your spirit in the air above our bodies glowing warm
bubbling with electric, the air rolled laughter
washed us in waves of amazement
"do you feel that?," he asked, 
"thats what she'll be made of"

she. a little girl. 
my days had been filled with blues and greens 
i'd never asked anything more than "healthy"
for the growing life inside of me
but before we could even arrived at the moment,
while you were still just spirit in each us i prayed, 
and for the first time i allowed myself to wish
for painting toenails under tutus
for pink and lavender kisses
for bows and ribbons, for dolls

and someone to wear my lipstick and pearls

so we spoke her into life
we knew her like we knew our love
"when the time is right...
she will be..."
little Starr

i dreamt of her
petite hand in mine
shiny shoes prancing down the street
tea dates
conversations with my future
soft fluffy shimmering golden brown curls between my fingers
a voice singing twinkle twinkle

a little girl
papi's princess
mama's little friend
nuyorican reina radiating ponceña sabor
barefoot cacique baby
floating julia de burgos dreams 
and fania lullabies

i would sew you dresses made of flower petals
paint the walls of our home with your handprints
teach you to recite what's in your soul
be my partner, my mirror image
my little girl

guitarrita in tender soft little hand
bells on ankles as she calls up
the africana in her
shaking her spirit as the drum dances to her beat

he fed you to me 
with all the other dreams
i keep in a book under my pillow

bombita verdadera
la unica en mi vida 
eres tu
and you are nothing
but a poem